Everybody has that moment at some point, typically when relaxing at home on a quiet evening or when scrolling social media and suddenly feeling like everyone else is moving ahead faster than you.
There is a promotion going on.
A house is being purchased.
One person appears to be very well established and quite confident in life.
And before you realise it, you begin comparing your journey to theirs.
You easily find yourself feeling behind when the world is persistently presenting you with milestones, accomplishments, and edited and polished versions of success. However, the fact is that life was never meant to be the same thing for all. It does not necessarily mean being behind; it could be simply the difference in the way people live.
The Pressure of Invisible Timelines
Much of our comparison comes from the belief that life must happen in a certain order. Read a lot when you are young; establish a career faster, become rich earlier, and marry at the right age, and it just seems that you have everything working out in time before anybody else.
This is problematic because they are not universal truths about the timelines. They are culturally influenced and continuously exposed to expectations on how to live.
When reality contrasts with those expectations, it might also lead to a feeling that you are missing something. However, all roads are not meant to be alike. Clarity comes early to some, and it takes time for others to find out, make mistakes, get sidetracked, and develop into themselves.
Why Is Social Comparison So Heavy?
Comparison is exhausting because it is built on incomplete information. You do tend to pit your daily life experiences against the best experiences of a person.
Social media makes it seem like everyone is constantly moving ahead. You hear success, feasts, and accomplishments, but you hardly know the insecurities, pressure, heartbreak, or hardships that can be behind them.
You are viewing the promotion publicity, not the pressure that accompanied it.
You are presented with the relationship photos, rather than the hard-to-have conversations.
You are shown success stories, not how it was left to go in years of confusion when things eventually began to go well.
This sets impractical, well-built expectations of how life is meant to be over time.
When your own life is somehow messy or uncertain, or not as fast as it used to be, it’s easy to think that you somehow failed.
A different path does not mean a failed one
The fact is that humans desire and expect different things in life, although this does not necessarily seem so.
Some people value stability and security. Others value freedom and adventure. Some move quickly and take risks, while others grow slowly and cautiously. Some succeed early and lose direction later, while others spend years figuring themselves out before building something meaningful.
Life is not a one-race affair in which we all begin and end at the same time.
It’s personal. It’s layered. And best of all, it is conditioned by the experience that other human beings cannot observe completely or comprehend.
Simply because your way is a different way does not imply that it is the wrong one.
Effects of Comparison on Self-Worth.
Among the most difficult aspects of constant comparison is that it slowly damages your sense of self-worth.
You start neglecting your personal development as it does not appear dramatic enough. Minor victories quit being significant. Progress is something that doesn’t seem to exist since another person seems to be doing better.
You ultimately grow to identify with external success, as opposed to personal satisfaction.
It isn’t that you must inquire, “What kind of a life really works best for me?” You start asking, Where could I be instead of where they are?
And these are two totally different conversations.
Peace is difficult to find when your self-worth depends on being ahead of others. Always, somebody will be better at something, earn more, get ahead sooner, or simply seem more successful to the outside observer.
The cycle does not really stop.
Trust in Your Stepping Pace.
Stopping to make your life a contest is one of the most liberating things that you can engage in.
It does not imply the resignation of ambition and refusal to develop. It just involves letting yourself develop and not always having to compare your development to the schedule of another.
There are lessons that are more difficult to learn. Certain dreams change as time goes by. It takes years of indecision before some individuals find out what actually makes them happy.
And that’s okay.
It is strong to pace yourself to a speed that enables you to create a life that is natural rather than hurried. Authentic growth mostly occurs in silence—emotional healing, self-awareness, resiliency, and experiences that need not necessarily be noticeable.
Not every form of growth needs to be visible to others.
The Truth About ‘Being Behind’
The notion that everyone is living their life is very little truth. The vast majority of individuals are working out their own insecurities, fears, and uncertainties in ways that are just less obvious.
A person who seems successful can be emotionally drained. Someone who appears to be totally settled might be trapped. Even people who seem confident may constantly question themselves.
Out there, you can never even know what someone went through in life.
This is why comparison is a very inaccurate method to gauge your personal growth.
Conclusion
One thing to keep in mind is that it does not have to be like another person to live a good life.
Being on different time schedules, making different decisions, and having different priorities does not make you worse or less successful or less able. They make your journey its own.
Your story did not work out in the same way, as you are not behind. Your failure is not in the fact that there is a difference in your direction.
Sometimes the most meaningful lives take longer to understand, build, and appreciate.
Instead of asking whether you are ahead or behind, perhaps the more important question is whether you are becoming a person who feels that she is really in step with the life that she is forming.
The thing is that eventually, it pays a lot more than keeping up with anybody.
A Woman Of Words
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